apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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