Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
