There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to calm my uterus...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
