im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
