did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
