I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
