Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
