I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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