dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
did i just pee glitter
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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