Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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