I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He did a backflip because drugs
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