dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
