Do you still have your period?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
