Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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