youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
