Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I checked into jail on foursquare
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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