Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
