you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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