I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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