i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
