Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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