WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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