Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
