I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
