it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
