that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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