Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
