Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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