My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
