My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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