i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
