so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize