I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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