I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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