im drinking this country out of the recession.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
