the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
