I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
