he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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