You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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