does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
