I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
