Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Alive.
So much puke
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
