Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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