TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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