So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
