my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
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Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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