The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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