So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
