My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
