It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize