Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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