I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
