im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need water and some morals
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
