Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
