paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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