The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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