girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
