well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
