we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
