i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
