He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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