Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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