i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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