If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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