I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
