You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
