I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize