There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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